in the city


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2-6-10 // 6:49 pm

there's strange weather in the back of the room

NP: Ryan Adams - "Love Is Hell"

Wow...I really think I need someone tonight. I'm so worn out right now, I kinda want to go out and get a pint in a public place, but I want someone to do it with. Something low key; I don't feel like fighting the Saturday night, pre-Mardi Gras fuckwit crowd. I could go sit somewhere, hear a band maybe, play the jukebox, some pinball...and there are nights where I savor doing just that, being alone in a crowd and possibly meeting someone new. But, even though I've recently had that jones in a major way, tonight I simply don't have the energy for that. I've tried but I can't muster it, and I'm not gonna fake it. Right now I want easy, I want comfort, a close friend, a sympathetic ear. A cuddle would be damn fine.

It's been a strange day. My folks were supposed to come over to the STL today for a visit and getting a bite to eat, but this morning on my way to the gym, I got a call from my dad; my grandpa called them this morning, complaining of chest pain. So they took him to the emergency room; after a ton of tests, he was admitted to the hospital this morning with pneumonia, so I spent the afternoon over on the Illinois side with my mom, dad & grandma. The poor guy, he's had zero breaks this year. His health has been in decline for a while now, but it feels like the drop-off has been way more precipitous the last six months. It was nice to spend time and visit and hopefully make him (and everyone else) feel a little better, but damn...there's been no normalcy regarding his situation for ages & ages now. Man.

I slept 10 hours last night, and I still look like shit. I badly need some R&R, so I guess it's good that I'm staying in, I'll just resign myself to an early bed. I guarantee half of my state of mind is pure exhaustion from working like a nut the last month; last week was a 55 hour one. So I think after another 10 hours I'll wake up tomorrow in a better state. But for now...I'm trying to gird myself for a potential long dark teatime of the soul. At least this record is a minor consolation.

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