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5-29-08 // 10:20 am surely I'm no pioneer NP: Kings Of Convenience - "Riot On An Empty Street" A little bit sinusy this morning. Again. There's this unseasonable gigantic low pressure system sitting over NorCal right now, which is the sort of thing that makes me happy weather-wise, but if it sticks around too long starts wreaking havoc on my health. Ugh. Plus, I'm still a little sleepy this AM. Having a bitch of a time waking up. I rode the train and walked to the office in a haze. Feeling vaguely depressed and had a bit of free-floating anxiety earlier, although it's dissipating as the day goes on. I feel even better after coming here, though. I think I need community. Well, not think, *know*... I'm not particularly articulate so far today, but I also have the urge to create and connect. Those are the worst moments -- a need to be brought into the fold but lacking the tools to communicate that need, or to explain your state to someone else. I want a new camera *so* badly right now, my photography is suffering and my technical and artistic growth is in a holding pattern until I can ditch my point & click and move up to a digital SLR. I need to be able to experiment with manual focus, zoom & angle on a more advanced scale; I'm dying to better realize the low-light and night shots that I constantly frame in my mind. Anyway, I have my eye on the Nikon D40x and D60. I've tested the former in the camera shop and it's exactly what I'm after right now -- an intermediate level camera that will allow me to learn and grow my skills, but also recognizes that I'm not a pure novice anymore. However, right now we need to pay $1200 for her upcoming GRE prep course. It simply has to take priority, for our immediate and long-term future and happiness. It's a necessity and I'm thrilled that things are progressing to this point with her schooling, and that she has a chance to go to some incredibly high quality schools for her PhD. And even though I want the camera right now, it has to be put on hold till later this summer or this fall. I think this is what adulthood means, isn't it? I don't think it's possible to suppress wants, or to completely deny selfishness. It's like saying "I never notice other women". It's all about what you do with these impulses, how you handle them, how you work them into your behavior patterns and how you strike the balance between wants & me-me-me and greater goods, both interpersonal and in the local, national and international communities. A person just can't survive operating in a purely selfish manner, just as you will eventually obliterate yourself if you live a selfless existence. R.E.M. (and Modest Mouse & the National) on Saturday night at the Greek! This promises to be the shit. R.E.M. on Austin City Limits the other day got me properly prepped. Stipe is still *so* weird, but oh how I love 'im.
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