in the city


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5-30-10 // 11:32 am

snake hips, red city kiss

NP: Frightened Rabbit - "The Midnight Organ Fight"

Waking up alone from a dream where I'm with someone never fails to throw me for a loop. It's as if my pysche goes through withdrawal, even though there was never anything, anyone, tangible in the first place. Sex, cuddling, companionship, laughing, the warmth of touch and primal warmth and comforting connection of physical touch...all in my mind yet it feels like a loss when I awake. I won't let it ruin a perfectly good day, especially when the first half of the long Memorial Day weekend has been so full and spiritually rejuvenating. Not to mention that there's still two more days off to go. But it takes time for the disorientation to subside.

It's becoming summertime, time for long dusk walks and streetside tables, women in summer dresses, and the sounds of live music drifting out from bars and cafes and into the street as I wander by.

I was out a couple of nights ago at a bar at the end of my block, and ran into a (rather drunk off her ass) acquaintance of mine. Before she proceeded to call me, and then everyone else at the table of people she was out with, a "fucking asshole," she sidled up to me and put her arms around me for a minute while she and I and the friends I was with chatted. It was casual, meaningless, but what I'm getting at is that the touch of her sleeveless arms on mine touched off some sort of chemical reaction in my brain, it lit up some sort of biological, subconscious bit of my brain that I don't think I've had pinged for a while. It's had me thinking all weekend about how I need to meet someone. How this would be a top time of the year to meet someone. Summer romance, fairy lights strung above patios, picnics in the park, watching movies & hiding out in the AC, all of that great stuff.

I don't know where I go from here, I've been so busy and preoccupied for months now that I haven't had time to sort of "focus" on this sort of thing. But it's been a thought that pops up now and then. I think it's all sort of been seeping out the past few days as I start to relax, reengage with my neighborhood streetlife, and truly listen to my body and my brain.

I can barely stand to write this navel gazey BS of an entry, but I felt like I had to write it just to get it off my chest and to mentally move on/stop thinking about it before the day wears on any longer. Peace out.

then / now