in the city


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6-30-08 // 2:59 pm

no distance left to run

NP: Blur - "13"

Fuck this, I'm going back to the psychologist. Counselor. Whatever you want to call her. No drugs involved, it's purely talk therapy. Therapist. There you go. Either way, I'm simultaneously relieved to get to go again, but also angry/annoyed, as I'm basically paying to have someone listen to me vent about my frustrations and apparent inability to deal with them.

My friend flaked out on me again over the weekend. Friends like these, who needs friends, eh? I want to call him again, try to set up a new time to grab a beer, or to maybe hit up the record shop this weekend, but *no*. I've been that person on the ass end of the one-sided relationship far too often in my life and I'll be damned if I'm going to do it again.

To their credit, my family have been great, as have my best friends. But they're either 2,300 or 5,500 miles away. Phone calls have saved my sanity over the past week, but they're not enough to kick me out of this funk.

There's so much more, too, relationship stuff. She basically came right out and admitted that she doesn't have time for me, and that if it came down to it, she'd choose her work/school over me. She also admitted that she's being totally unfair to me and that this situation has me stuck between a rock and a very hard place. But she's also so preoccupied with her ambition that I'm on my own to deal with it. Great! So I picked up my entire life, moved away from family, friends and a support network, and now the one thing I have out here is abandoning me? Granted, I'm being a little bit melodramatic here, but it's all true. The ridiculousness of it all is off the charts. I simultaneously feel anxious and angry and confused and let down and in love and determined to make it work.

The Cards have been my only solace lately, it seems. And with MLB InDemand and no life to speak of, I have plenty of time for 'em.

then / now