in the city


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8-2-08 // 8:49 pm

moving the river

There's a longer, more substantial entry from this morning here.

The obnoxious new next door neighbors are having an obnoxious outdoor "woooooo!" type party. Fucking hicks - go back to Arizona.

Sarah unexpectedly dropped by this afternoon, and we ended up butting heads about divvying up our stuff. Really, I didn't want to go with her to Safeway, I was gonna leave her to her own devices at the apartment while I used the car for a change. But she decided to come with since she was throwing a party tonight at her professor's house (where she's housesitting). At first, I was wary that it would torpedo what's been a decent day for a change, and it funked me up for a while. But I recovered. I'm remarkably anxiety free this evening. Just blue, I guess. I wish this whole extricating your life from another person's thing wasn't so difficult. I'm not trying to be difficult, and I know she isn't either, but no matter how civil we try to be towards each other, the badness comes out occasionally. I hate that. I hate when I do it, and I hate when she does it. It seems, most often, that she's the one who starts it...she snaps or says something snotty or is utterly irrational. But it draws me in. It's my own damn fault, too. At least I left today before it got ugly.

So I'm decently chilled out tonight but also worn out and badly craving company. I hate this Saturday night loneliness. I called Dylan earlier, no response. I walked all over creation today - to the Grand Lake market and back, and later back downtown, then BARTed to Berkeley, walked all over there (Comic Relief and Amoeba), then BARTed back to Oakland, had a pint at Pacific Coast Brewery, then walked the almost 2 miles back home. And here I am.

Here's how lonely I was/am - at the brewpub, I was hoping the lady bartender would notice my solitude/blahness and chat with me for a while. That's spectacularly pathetic. I very badly need to get out of this beautiful, wonderful city by the bay. Ha. I am the anti-Journey.

Time to see if I can blot out the "wooooo"s with the Cards game cranked up high, closed double-paned windows and more beer.

then / now