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12-7-09 // 6:15 pm 10,000 lux to light us up NP: Glasvegas, still the soundtrack to my winter nights. I'm feeling much less shit the last couple of days. Even with the super short days, a weekend's worth of waking with the sun as opposed to an alarm in total darkness...that helped. But still. Enough of this seasonal brain chemistry experimentation. I called up my insurance's mental health people & told 'em what's what. They recommended a full physical to rule out any stray weirdness like a vitamin D deficiency or a thyroid problem (?!), and then assuming it's a clean bill of physiological health, get me a light therapy box and see how it goes. All I know is that this happens this time every single year, it's about time I do something proactive about it as opposed to let it fester and ebb/flow all winter long. I did such a good job coming to grips with my situational anxiety issues, why not tackle this now? Granted, this S.A.D. junk isn't about anything, I mean, I'm not blue because of something. I'm not worried about anything. But when this stuff hits I just feel physically "off," lethargic and my sleep patterns get all screwed up. But I digress. This isn't meant to be a chronicle of my factory-reject brain. All I'm trying to say is that enough is enough, and even though I'm already improving on my own, why feel worse than you have to, ever, if there's additional steps you can take to feel even better? I'm learning. Slowly but surely. Oh, one last bit. I absolutely fucking adore the way a great workout is like a natural boost of brainy goodness. Man, those 3+ miles today totally lifted me up, I walked out of that gym tonight and out into the dark, cold evening with a smile on my face and a nice sense of being balanced back out a bit. Strands of colored Christmas lights are up in my house, framing the woodwork around my living room windows and up above my computer/desk in my home office. I'm starting to feel a twinge of holiday cheer. Sunday afternoon was the traditional Air Force band holiday concert with my grandparents and folks over on the Illinois side; it was super heartening and actually a lot of fun, in a dorky, wholesome, hang out with lots of old people sort of way. I'm not sure I've ever seen so many '20s/'30s style newsboy hats in one place in my life. I don't think I'd been to one of those USAF concerts since I was in high school. My entire extended family (on my mom's side) used to go every single year. When I was out in California, I thought the tradition had kind of died out, but apparently it just diminished. I'm happy to be there to keep it going. So yeah, that's that. I sorted out a ton of backlog at work, there's new Dexter to watch, and Friday night is out with friends for Vietnamese and back to mine for a few beers and catching up. Goodness. I still need a cuddle, though.
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