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8-21-03 // 11.55 pm sing me to sleep NP: The Smiths - "Louder Than Bombs" I was a bit of an ass tonight and I don't know why. It must be the season, I dunno. Winter messes with Erin and late summer has traditionally been a bad time for me. I need it to be fall. And of course, I also need to snap out of it and to stop being a dorkus. A lot of the time I feel very pretentious, and not in a good way. I'm just an ordinary guy from a small town in Illinois. I'm not sophisticated, English, interesting, or any of the things I might sometimes wish I was. Ryan S just left a few minutes ago, it was really great seeing him for the first time in weeks. I'm a few pints worse for wear (Fuller's bitter and Sam Smith's ale, for the 0.0001% of the universe that cares) at the moment. Erin is currently out with her friend Dan. I'm the one who suggested it, she was talking about how she hadn't seen him for weeks, and I figured she'd rather catch up with a friend than watch me playing cards or whatever. Regardless, at times, even without meaning it, I can be a jealous bastard. Of course my primitive, irrational brain freaks out. The rational part of my mind knows better and tries to assuage the other part, but sometimes it's not wholly successful. But yeah... I suck. I don't have anything against this guy. I'm the one with the problem. You know, in listening to the current musical selection, I don't care how old and far removed from adolescent angst and self-pity I ever get, but Please Please Let Me Get What I Want will never cease to make my insides well up with that weird combination of wistfulness, happiness, and sadness. Moz + Marr = pure genius. Tomorrow after work I'm meeting my parents and sister for dinner, we're going to Breadeaux Pizza in Millstadt, just a town over from the village where my folks live. Man, when I was a kid eating there was such a treat. I vividly remember cold winter Friday nights, my dad out of town on a hunting trip, and my mom, my sister and myself piled into the old Cavalier (that would one day become mine) and headed off to that very pizza parlor. It was (and is) a great pie, and they used to have a jukebox. I remember always playing Elton John's current hit The One and some random Genesis stuff (this was, after all, 1992 and I was a young geek), and my sister would play Bette Midler's From A Distance. We'd eat pizza, drink soda, revel in being free from work and/or school for a few precious days, and drive home in the dark of a winter's night, listening to the radio and looking forward to a blazing fire in the fireplace later in the evening. But yeah...pizza. It'll be great to see my family, as it's been almost a month since we've all last been together. I miss 'em sometimes, you know? And of course, I have no-one to blame but myself for that. You know, I feel better now than I have all day. I hate having to apologize for myself, but sometimes all I can ask for is forgiveness for the stupid ways with which I conduct myself. Goodnight all.
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