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9-25-01 // 8.21 pm everything is skin deep NP: Matt Good Band - "Underdogs" I work hard. I mean, I go to my job, and I get dirty. My hands end up covered in grime. I sweat. I come home tired. I study hard...I read countless texts which bore me to tears, which remove what vestiges of my once-vibrant soul remain inside of me. I take exams, I give presentations, I write programs, I solve complex calculus equations. I attempt to treat my fellow human beings with respect...I firmly believe that you get what you give. Why then, do I never seem to get anything? (I'm able to crush aluminum cans with my bare hands.) So the trip to Seattle is off. Postponed. Cancelled until a later date. Aline told me that she had problems with her employer (she worked as a live-in nanny) and that she has had to scramble to find a new place to stay, and a new place to work. So she won't have time to spend with me. I'm totally disappointed, but I guess I'm not really mad at her. I'm just extremely frustrated. Good things only seem to come so they can be later taken away. (The Cardinals, in what appears to be an attempt to eliminate one of the few remaining sources of joy in my life, have decided that it would be a good idea to continuously and embarrassingly lose to Houston.) Sara still hasn't called me back. This despite the fact that I rang her again last night, thinking that perhaps her roommate never gave her my message. But nope, no calls for me. I'm not important enough for that. (I've been at university for four and a half years now. I still haven't had sex. Isn't that what people do at uni? They fuck, they get laid, they "do it"? Don't they?) I took an exam in Data Structures today. It was nearly impossible. Two separate professors have been the course's instructor for the past five weeks...nearly 90% of the exam's questions were ones made up by the first professor who never explains anything. (The girl Steve is trying to set me up with still hasn't gotten back to me. It would merely be par for my course if she never did at all.) I think I'm gonna drink another beer.
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