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2-9-05 // 11.19 pm don't hurt yourself NP: Marillion - "Marbles" The past month has been one of temporal distortion. Erin and I split up for good about a week after New Year's. It was painful, but then again the week prior to it had been even worse. I think we were just kidding ourselves. Or maybe she knew all along what she wanted and that I was just deluding myself that it could work out and somehow go back to how it was once upon a time. Guess not. I'm glad she's out doing what she needs to do now, she can have her freedom and I can be left alone to enjoy my quiet, boring little life. I like the quiet, boring little life, and I'm sort of relieved to be able to live it once more. The week or so after we made the split "official" felt like extreme slow motion. I was in the apartment (with all her stuff still there) for about a week, at which poitn I spent several weeks staying at my parents' house while she (slowly) moved her things out of my apartment. Since I got back nearly two weeks ago, things have seemed more evenly paced again, if not outright quick. In some ways, it's all been very good. I feel more like myself now than I have in months and months and months. Maybe in over a year, I dunno. I just know this is the right place for me to be in now. I'm satisified with the way it's all played out. I miss the kitties, and I suppose I miss the way things were between us. Like, the way they were two years ago or whatever. I don't miss the mess and the clutter, I like being able to cultivate my own space again. To be free to be tidy and mildly anal retentive about things. A lifestyle choice, I know. My old black cat Stormy died a few days ago... She'd been sick for weeks, horribly anemic, not eating except from a syringe, just not doing well at all. We gave her as much time and care as we could, but we thought we'd have to put her to sleep. My parents came home from work on Monday and found that she'd died while they were gone during the day... At least I got to see her one last time when I stopped by to see my folks on Sunday. I petted her head and her body, scratched her ears and under her chin. She purred and mowed at me, she was happy and alert for a moment despite the fact that she was sick and dying. And now she's gone. Poor Storm...I miss her already. Not to be a dick about it, but you can read up on the past month here. If you're so inclined that is, I'm not so egotistical to think people have been chomping at the bit to find out what I've been up to lately. I took this photo this past Saturday morning. It makes me feel hopeful.
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