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5-13-02 // 6.58 pm even the words they fail me NP: The La's - "The La's" I stopped by the hospital yesterday afternoon, I went to see my new baby cousin Sam. Well, he's not so new anymore, but I still can't help referring to him that way, considering he was born months early. Anyway, I hadn't actually been to the neonatal unit yet, I didn't really think I had a place in amongst the equipment and parents and grandparents who rightfully deserved it. But I finally went, along with my mom, my dad, and my sister. It's amazing how tiny he is. I mean, his hand is the size of one of my fingers. He has little hairs on top of his little head. His breathing seemed as fragile as the whole of him is. But he was spectacular, nonetheless. He made me smile. And he made me hope as hard as I could that he'd make it through this rough time and make it to grow up and experience all the great family that I grew up with. Today's one of those days where my voice feels at full strength. It's one of those rare days where I can sing along to Steve Hogarth and not totally embarass myself. I don't really think I have a good voice, but yeah... I really can't stop myself singing, whether it's at home or in the car. Work is a pressure cooker. Well, it's getting better, considering I took it in my own hands to resolve the issue of two separate project managers sort of fighting over me. So conflicting responsibilites sorted out, I was able to concentrate on the task at hand. It was a long, busy day today, but it was also a good one, in a weird, tiring sort of way. I guess it's just a good feeling to have accomplished something substantial at the end of the day. It's a nice evening out, if not a bit cool for this time of year. In a bit I'm off for a walk, probably going to stop by and see Ryan for a bit, too. Going to give Erin a call later on...I miss her like crazy. I know these nights off are necessary so we don't die of exhaustion, but it takes everything in me to not just hop in my car and drive out to see her anyway. It's becoming almost impossibly difficult to say goodnight at the end of every day we spend together. I relish the nights we're actually able to fall asleep together. I've never felt more peaceful than I do when I can fall asleep listening to the sound of her breathing, or wake up and find her next to me, with my arms around her and her pressed up against me. I don't really know how to end this entry, except to say that when we're apart, I miss the sound of her voice and the feel of her hands on my skin.
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