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7-26-02 // 1.40 pm a little spark of light inside your mind NP: Marillion - "Anorak in the UK Live" Recipe for making your heart feel light: listen to Marillion playing the song Go!...make sure you wear headphone for this, by the way. Listen to the way Steve Hogarth's voice glides and soars above and intertwined with Steve Rothery's alternately choppy and soaring, lyrical guitar lines. Listen to the way the whole song basically stops near the end, then merges into Hammond organ and those huge, almost impossibly beautiful chorus vocals in the outro. Wide awake on the edge of the world, indeed. I dunno, it's moments like those which almost (just almost) manage to distill down to one song the whole essence of why I love music so much, why I believe in it as food for the soul. Hell, you probably don't even like Marillion. Or know who they are. But that's alright. Because I'm sure for each and every one of you out there, you have a corresponding artist or song. Or movie, or book, or painting, or musical instrument, or museum exhibit, or wilderness, or city skyline, or whatever that provides the same lift, the same sense of beauty. The sun is starting to come out now, but earlier today it rained, then stayed cloudy, slightly cool, and breezy for a while. It was one of those late mornings where had I not been stuck at work, I'd have been out on a walk or something. Something outside, anyway. Erin's been feeling pretty "blah" lately. This week, especially. I know she hates her job, and that it constantly drives her crazy, but this week, it seems like just being there is really getting to her. Panic attacks, inability to concentrate, etc. She just seems worn out, overwhelmed...something, I don't know. I get scared, because I want to help, but like I've said before, I'm just an amateur. I listen and try to comfort, but as far as stress management techniques? Through trial and error over the years, I've found out what works for me. But I'm not a professional, I'm not trained to give qualified advice to other people. I dunno, I just want her to feel better, to not feel burdened by worry. I want to see her smile, to not hear that tired sound in her voice. I love her more than anything in this world...I just want her to be alright. In the meantime, I try to be here, to be support, to be a smile, to be a soothing voice, to be someone to hold on to, to count on no matter what. I think on Sunday afternoon, we're heading back over the river to my old village for the annual homecoming picnic / parade. Erin and I are going to ride on the lumberyard's float. Well, it's not so much a float as it is the big boom truck done up with streamers, but we'll sit on the back and throw candy out to kids waiting on the sidewalks. Ryan's driving the truck, too, which is good, considering I haven't seen him in person for like six weeks or something ridiculously long like that. That's probably the thing I miss most about living back there...Ryan was right there, I could just walk over to his house. Granted our schedules didn't always mesh, but it was easy to see him. I also miss late-evening summer walks. I mean, I can take them in the city, too, but there's something I always found alluring about being able to walk the length of the village and back, about the setting sun casting shadows on ranch style houses and the bungalows in the older part of town. The place always looked fantastic in fading light...I mean, to someone who's never lived there, I'm certain the whole mess doesn't amount to much at all. But I spent 12 years of my life there, and I got to know it pretty intimately. I mean, I wouldn't want to go back there, I outgrew it and I wouldn't trade the city for anything. But I'm sure there'll always be a small part of me in that little village...if nothing else, I'll always carry with me mental images of looking up at the Catholic church spire, of gazing out across the corn and soybean fields at the western edge of the village, of watching cars drive down the highway that ran through the middle of the place, that also served as Main Street. It's Friday and I can't wait for this work day to be over. I want to go home, I want to spend a relaxing weekend with Erin.
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