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8-15-02 // 10.51 am inside's a heart of summer soul NP: Doves - "The Last Broadcast" I'm tired this morning an I'm not sure why. I've had a full night's sleep for the past two or three days. I'm not certain if it's more fatigue or apathy towards the whole being at work thing I'm feeling right now, to be honest. I'm not an apathetic person by nature, but once in a while, that sort of thing sinks in. Last night, since we now have a proper DVD player, Erin and I watched the Harry Potter movie that I bought her ages ago. I just wanted to make sure she got the special edition, while it was still in stores. But yeah, we got Chinese takeout from our favorite place (which is finally back open after being close first for vacation, and then due to a fire in their kitchen), and watched the flick. As it played, I got a crash course in all things Potter from Erin, what with me being completely Potter-unaware and all. But yeah, she has this stuff down. Seriously, she should teach some sort of Harry Potter masterclass, if such a thing existed. And yes, because I am a sad, geeky Anglophile, the movie made me want very badly to go back to the UK, to grab a backpack, and explore the country via rail. I also miss hand-pulled real ale. They just don't do that here. I mean, you can get the ale in bottles, and it's excellent, but it's not the same, you know? It's supposed to be back to the usual sunny, glary sort of weather today. But driving to work this morning, and stepping out for a few minutes a while ago, the sky is still marked with those low, gray clouds. That, and I feel a cool breeze. I want to hang on to those things, to be honest. I'm not sure if I can take a return to 100 degree temperatures after the way things have felt this week. Laugh if you want, but weather is a big thing with me. I like fall, I count on that respite after three or four months filled with wilting heat and humidity. I dunno, I suppose I've just prematurely been getting into a fall state of mind. I intently listen to traffic reports on my drive to and from work. It's partially to do with self-preservation, looking out for potential jams on my route so I can take a detour. But it's also partially fascination with infrastructure, with all those people, with the idea of this big city going about its business, roads functioning like machinery. With the occasional technical failure, of course. I tend to think about all of those people...who are they, where are they going, what kind of lives do they lead? It's another cup of coffee this morning, for some reason. At this point, I'm not sure what the deal is. It's not a burgeoning caffeine addiction, like the one I was cultivating months ago. It's not that I'm so tired that I need a cup. I've just been gravitating towards it for some reason. The kicker is that the coffee has been uniformly bad this week. Today is payday, which is a very good thing. It's very satisfying to walk into my cube on a quiet Thursday morning and notice that blue and white slip sitting there next to my mouse. For some reason, the act of getting and then opening my paycheck feels more satisfying than the actual moment when I deposit it into my account at the bank, or when I get a handful of cash back from the teller. I haven't heard from Ryan in a couple of weeks. I'm pretty sure that's how long it's been, anyway. It's frustrating, as we talk, and we get along, I don't think anything is wrong, at least anything that I can tell. But if I call him, and I leave a message on his voice mail, he rarely calls back. And aside from the parade a few weeks ago, I haven't seen him at all in person since I moved, like two months ago. I dunno, it's just a bit sad...he's one of my absolute best friends, and one of the remaining friends I have in this area. I'd hate to lose touch for whatever reason. I'm determined for that not to happen, but I'm not sure what more I can do, you know? Right now, I want to be back in bed, under the covers, with my arm around Erin, listening to her breathing and feeling her breath on my neck. It was so hard to drag myself away from all of that this morning. Part of me wants to just call up my work and say "yeah, I can't come in for a week, I'll just be laying in bed with my girlfriend". I mean, I could stay there for a while. Lots of places deliver. Well, enough to insure we wouldn't be eating the same thing every day. I could stock up on other groceries right before starting the stint in bed. I mean, we'd technically have to leave the bed to go to the bathroom, get something to eat (whether having to go to the kitchen or answer the door for delivery), or to use the computer/watch TV. But otherwise. All that bed-speak reminds of the other day, when Erin told me that she thought John Lennon was an idiot for thinking a bed-in was a good idea. It's things like that (amongst about a million other things) which illustrate why I love her, why I think she's utterly amazing and captivating. She's better for my intellectual health than anything else in this world. Plus, right now, I really, really want to kiss her. I'm in one of those write-y moods today, you know? Today would be a great day to be unemployed and just sitting around the house, with a cup of tea, some music on the stereo, and writing. Writing everything and anything. Though there is the small matter of me not actually being particularly good at writing, so it's probably just as well that I'm not doing all of that.
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