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9-23-02 // 10.20 am seen a shooting star tonight and I thought of you NP: Bob Dylan - "Oh Mercy" I like how Dylan currently looks like some sort of turn-of-the-century riverboat huckster. It's the one-two punch of the straw hat and pencil-thin "madman tying a screaming woman to train tracks in a silent movie" mustache that does it, I think. Yesterday was one of those days. One of those incredible type days that you figure don't really happen in real life, that are soley the realm of art house movies, underground fiction, and indie rock. Yesterday, save for going to her grandparents' house for dinner, Erin and I just stayed in. It was a transcendent day. It felt like a grand combination of exploration, discovery, elaboration, relaxation and realization...if that makes any sense at all. I feel like yesterday, I finally said the things I've wanted to say to her since we met, but that I couldn't ever vocalize, couldn't ever express. Waking up this morning, driving to work, and sitting here right now, I feel transformed. I feel like in some way, I was changed yesterday...permanently, and in a magnificent way. Went to Cape on Saturday, hung out with Ryan and Holly. Erin and Holly were extremely patient with Ryan and I as we played a round of frisbee golf (that's "frolf" to those in the know, which at current count, is a sorry group of about four or five people worldwide). Watched a bad movie and made fun of it, ate a great spaghetti dinner that Holly cooked, and generally had a great time. Oh, and Ryan asked me to be his best man when he and Holly get married next year. I was a bit surprised, to be honest, but I was also really honored, so of course I said yes. I've always wanted to write a poem for Erin, a beautiful piece of prose or something that explains everything I feel for her, about everything she is to me. But every single time I've ever attempted to sit down and do such a thing, nothing comes out. Well, things come out, but they're stilted, they don't flow like I want them to. I want perfection in this task. But I think the other day I realized something...I realized that I'm not sure that poem will ever come. Not because she doesn't deserve it, not because she isn't the most incredible, fascinating person I've ever known. But because, instead of writing down words, phrases...I'm living them. Being with her feels like poetry, like a great literary work. She is the masterpiece...anything I could come up with would just be copying, just a reflection of what already exists. There is a dizzying array of sweeteners in the break room here at work. For your coffee, you can choose from regular sugar, two or three different types of artificial sweeteners, and this new thing I just noticed recently, called Splenda. Have you seen this stuff? It's apparently zero calorie...the tagline on the packets reads "made from sugar so it tastes like sugar". But it's not sugar? Then what is it? I guess it's not that big of a mystery, as the ingredients list says that it's made from "sucralose", which I'm assuming is some sort of other complex carbohydrate created from messing around with regular sucrose in an alarming mad scientist kind of fashion. But in any case, the whole thing just sort of weirds me out. It's strange. Or maybe it's not, and perhaps I'm just strange. That's a very real possibility. It's Erin's first day at her new job. I know she's going to do wonderfully at it, but regardless, I hope her transition is as seamless as is possible. I already miss talking on the phone with her on breaks, trading emails, and waving goodbye to her as I turned onto the exit ramp to the interstate and she continued on down the road. I think today is going to be a fairly simple one, kind of an in-limbo sort of day. Last week (and especially on Friday), we tore through a ton of issues that had to be fixed. So I'm getting a bit of a breather, which is nice considering how insane most of last week was. Though I do have some two hour long meeting this afternoon, detailing how they're chaning around our automated timesheet stuff. Whatever. What I'm really waiting for is the end of the day...for driving home, for kissing Erin, for holding her close and finding out about her day.
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