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11-5-00 // 10.19 am there's no one here to feel with me NP: Badly Drawn Boy - "The Hour of Bewilderbeast" Had a good rest-of-Saturday. I read and listened to music for most of the afternoon. My mom was in town so she stopped by for a little while. My sister and I drove to C'dale for the sole purpose of going to Denny's...it was delicious, and the drive back and forth yielded a lot of good conversation. I dropped her back at her dorm, came back to the flat & had a few pints, watched "Saturday Night Live" (awful except for the opening sketch & Paul Simon's performances), then went to sleep. A simple day, but highly enjoyable. Oh yeah, I also saw Sara yesterday. I talked to her. It still feels incredibly surreal, like I just dreamed the whole thing, but I talked to her. Notice I didn't say "talked with her", it's not like we had a conversation or anything, but I caught her parking her car and walked over to her. But she stood like ten feet away from me the whole time...she was asking really stupid questions...meaningless questions like "what'd you do last" night, as if we'd last seen each other the other day and not two months ago as it really has been. So there she stood, and there I stood, neither one of us really addressing what the hell has been going on lately. I had so many questions, but I needed to be closer. You don't shout out "why the hell have you been ignoring me" when the other person is, well, trying their best to ignore you at the present moment. So after a minute or two, she said, rather aloofly, "well, have a good walk" and started to head into the building. Sara is the most aloof person I have ever met in my entire life. I just said "yeah, have a good day"...I hope she heard how halfheartedly it was said, how fed up my tone of voice was, because I meant it that way. I wanted to say "screw you", but my brain wouldn't let my mouth form the syllables. So that's that...it's kind of sad to lose respect and affection for someone for whom you used to have lots. Right now, I just think my friends were right. Now I must go reply to the mountain of email in my inbox. I've been an e-slacker lately.
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