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11-5-01 // 8.31 pm and I said I don't need anybody's ten cent therapy NP: Kevin Gilbert - "The Shaming of the True" There should be a law against Mondays being this busy. Seriously. I had my usual three classes. Then I had to fill out paperwork for my February employment. Then I had to go to the bank, go grocery shopping, and fill out more paperwork, this time for my passport. I also had to rush around to get a passport photo, and arrange to get my birth certificate out of the safe deposit box when I'm up at my parents' place this weekend. I also meant to go to the library this evening and do some more work on my Music in World Culture term paper. But I'm not so sure that's going to pan out tonight. I just don't have the energy...I just want to sit around and go to bed at a reasonable hour. I'm sick of being the loveable loser. I'm tired of being "nice", "funny", a "great guy". It's like people are reading off a script. Everyone tells me that "my time will come". Well hell, don't you think I've been waiting long enough already? I mean, I'm getting antsy here. I had a dream last night. I was on this city street, had no idea where I was, nothing that happened made any sense. At one point, I started walking down the street not really knowing where I was headed. A few seconds later, she came around the corner. And she was beautiful...improbably graceful. So I saw her, and went to move towards her, get her attention, etc. And right then, my alarm went off and I was shaken from the dream. It was one of those moments where the line between what is and is not real is totally blurred. So I just sat there in bed for a few moments, trying to shake off the sleep...I came around and realized it was all a dream. I went and took a shower, thinking of her, thinking about Seattle, thinking about her smile, about her accent. It was just a dream...everything important to me in this life feels like it's been just a dream.
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