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11-15-04 // 2.24 pm meeting people is surprisingly difficult Thinkin' about friendship... It was good to hang out with Steve yesterday, just the sort of talking while shopping and driving around sort of thing. I'm glad that he's in St. Louis, I missed him when I was in Cape and then STL and he was in Olney. I need to make a conscious effort to do stuff with him more often. I wish Ryan H lived up here and not down in Cape, I miss him a ton. It's great to be able to get together every couple of months, hang out and pick things up like nothing's changed, but I wish we could hang out once a week or whatever, not every few months. I have no idea where Ryan S has gone off to. Seriously, sometimes we play phone tag for a bit but I don't think we've actually seen each other face-to-face for like a month and a half. The last time I can remember is when we met up for Indian food during my vacation week. Anyway, I don't know what's up with him, I hardly hear from him anymore and he's one of my best friends in the entire universe. I thought I was making a new friend in Aaron, but I haven't seen him in a zillion years. Oh well. I don't think I'm that good at making friends in the first place, I certainly don't have many in general. And of course, there are always the subset of "great people that live really far away". Maybe I just need to get out more, but it seems as if I don't have any good opportunities to meet new people. I work and I sleep and I don't really have "extracurricular activities" in which I come into contact with different people. I meet new people through Erin since she has so much going on (plus, I think she's just one of those people who effortlessly attract people and make friends), and a lot of those people are great, but I'd never have met them if it wasn't for her, you know? And they're not really my friends if that makes any sense at all. Perhaps I've never known how to truly make friends. In grade school and junior high it felt like I had none. Zero. In high school, I had some but it felt like maybe we were all friends maybe because we were all weird and banded together against the jocks, etc in response. In college, it's impossible not to meet people, just because you're constantly in new situations and places with the casts of characters always shifting. At least that's how it was when I lived in the dorms, I made some truly lasting friendships there. I was definitely way more lonely my last three semesters when I lived in the apartment and a lot of people had graduated. Anyway, just some thinking out loud on a Monday afternoon.
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