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11-19-01 // 10.48 pm ashes to ashes NP: David Bowie - "Scary Monsters" 'Ashes to Ashes' always reminds me of riding the bus home my freshman year of high school...1994 I think. About halfway through the year, the school decided that they were going to reverse the route of the bus I rode. So instead of dropping me off in my village as one of the first stops, the bus went all the way out in the country, dropping off solitary kids who lived on winding lanes out in the middle of nowhere. It must've been nice for them , but for me and the others who lived in my village, it was a pain in the ass. It meant spending at least 45 minutes to an hour extra on the bus every day. Which after being trapped in the hell that is high school for 8 hours in a row...well, it's not good. So anyway, 'Ashes to Ashes' reminds me of how I'd always listen to tapes on my Walkman to help pass the time more quickly. I'd dubbed my CD of Bowie's best-of volume 1 and would listen to that, along with lots of Who, Queen and Beatles. I also nearly wore out a copy of R.E.M.'s "Automatic for the People". Do girls like guys wearing cologne? 'Cause I tend to never wear it. I much prefer a girl's natural scent -- perfume's never done anything for me. I keep getting these off-and-on headaches. It's just been in the past four or five days...I can't figure out if they're related to being sick or if they're stress headaches. Either one is equally likely at the moment. All I care about is that I stop getting them. Soon. I'm sick of popping aspirin. I basically finished my term paper this afternoon. I have a couple more paragraphs to take care of, but for the most part it's done. So that means I don't have to worry about any coursework over break. Ah, tomorrow after I get off work I'll be driving up to my parents' place. I can't wait...I just need to decompress for a couple of days, rid myself of all of this stress. She nearly ran me over with her car today as I was walking to campus. She honked her horn and waved as she drove by. I waved back & watched her head down the road and then park in the lot across from the building. She walked in, didn't wait for me to catch up so we could talk or anything. I remember it wasn't so long ago that she would've stopped the car and offered me a ride, even if it was only a couple of blocks to where she would eventually stop. I just miss those days. I miss when she would stop by just to say hi, when she would sit on my bed and ask me about my day. I miss hearing her knock on the window of the stairwell door outside my dorm room. I remember the time she kissed me on the cheek and then bounded out the door. I regret that I never got to kiss her properly. But that was the past...and the present seems to be pushing her out of my life. So there'll be other girls (I hope), there'll be new memories and new regrets. I just wish this one wasn't so hard to let go of.
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